The STUPIDEST song ever made.....

This song makes me violently angry. I hate it. HATE IT. I still listen to the whole thing when it comes on the radio, however. Don't you judge me. Maybe I like occasionally getting violently angry. To each his own, OK?!?!

The song I am talking about is, of course, Sometimes When We Touch, by Dan Hill and co-written by Barry Mannilow. That alone makes me wanna smack somebody.

I shall now pick apart these lyrics that make no sense whatsoever, and attempt to make sense of them. Ahem....here we are.

You ask me if I love you

And I choke on my reply

I'd rather hurt you honestly

Than mislead you with a lie.

Okay, dickwad, what the hell? She asks you a question, and you say you want to answer honestly, but you still choke on your reply??? What the frig??? And, to my knowledge, I have NEVER asked somebody if they love me! What kind of insecure, whiny princess is this? If you have to ask if someone loves you, really, then it is time to move on. ESPECIALLY if he chokes on his reply. Jerk. And HURT you honestly??? wwwhhhhaaattt? What does that even mean?? YES or NO, idiot. Soooo, it hurts to tell someone you love them, and you don't want to lie to them, but you still keep them on a little string of hope? I HATE YOU!

For who am I to judge you

In what you say or do

I'm only just beginning

To see the real you.

Umm, is this good? Or bad? No wonder this poor girl is so confused she has to ask if this moron loves her. I think the real question is, Why does this chick stick around to listen to this crap? I love how he tries to sound non-judgemental, while getting to know the real person behind his non-love. Why bother if you don't love her? You, sir, are a jack-ass.

Okay, but as we move on to more lyrics we find that, in fact, it sounds an awful lot like love.

And sometimes, when we touch

The honesty's too much

And I have to close my eyes

And hide

I want to hold you till I die

Till we both break down and cry

I want to hold you

Till the fear in me subsides

Oh, you poor, scared man. The honesty that you don't love her?? Is that the honesty we are talking about? Cause if you want to cry when you hold her because you are afraid of love, it sounds like you might, in fact, love her. STUPID, STUPID HUMANS! I mean, really, if you want to hold someone until they die, well, that is an awfully long time to spend with someone you don't love you frigging moron. I'm just sayin'.

Romance is an honest strategy

Leaves me grappling with my pride

But through the years of maturity

Some tenderness survives

I'm just another writer

Still trapped within my truth

A hesitant prize fighter

Still trapped within my youth

I got nothing. You lost me. Must be a man making up excuses thing. I, uhhh, yep. Nothin'.

Chorus again, and you all know how I feel about that.....

At times I like to break you

And drive you to your knees

At times I'd like to break through

And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you

And know how hard you try

I've watched while love commands you

And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters

Still searching for a friend

A brother or a sister

But then the passion flares again

Okay, I am not trying to brag or anything, but I have had some experience in the ways of love. I am an honest person, not one to play games, and I like to think most people are like that, although I have been surprised how wrong I can be about that. Anywhooo, again, that sounds an awful lot like the ups and downs of love. I mean, if they keep coming back to each other after years of watching the others lives, well, hello! Time to stop fighting the inevitable, jackass. I really disagree with the brother/sister comparison, however. I mean, once a relationship has gone past that, well, it is time to let it go and remain friends. I stand firm on that. If passion flares again after you view someone as a sister, well, you need some help. Or you need to move out of state away from that person. Or to Arkansas together. (oh, snap, my beloved Comstocks:)

And that, dear friends, brings us to the end of my analysis of these horrible, confusing, annoying lyrics. I hope I have cleared a few things up for you. My only wish is that I was there when they were writing this maudlin crap so I could put a stop to it. Or maybe to clear some things up for these clueless, moronic, stupid stupid stupid men. But, then again, who am I to judge you in what you say or do? I mean, I am only just beginning to see the real you. Idiot.